It has been MONTH’S since the last post, and let me tell you something I miss you guys so much! There has been so much happening that it has been so hard to be able to write a post. Grab a snack and some tissues because this is about to be a long post, and there might be some tears! I know there will most certainly be some tears on my end.
Okay so honestly have no idea on where to begin! Between the broken leg, blood clots in the lungs, anxiety, depression, my break up, nerve damage in my leg, a new job and the drama that came with it. Also my new budget plan that I am working on so I can afford a new car and house.
Back in June I fell down a few steps and broke my ankle, WORST PAIN EVER! My new job was supposed to start the next day, but instead thought “hey lets fall down the stairs and break your ankle instead.” Let me tell you being home twenty four seven is awful! My anxiety and depression got real bad! I never had energy to leave the house, never wanted to do anything at all, not even makeup! You all know how much makeup means to me! Being home bound really took its toll on me depression wise, it took a long time to crawl out of the bottom of that hole I was in.
Just when things started to kind of look up, I ended up with blood clots in my lungs. The doctors prescribed a blood thinner and a heart medicine to keep my heart pumping at a normal rate, because of the anxiety my blood pressure and heart rate were very high! A very big life scare if I do say so myself. I was admitted into the hospital for two days and watched very carefully. They finally released me and boy was I so glad to be home! It was nice to be away from everyone and have time to myself, but being in a hospital was not my idea of self-care. They also suspect there is nerve damage in my right leg, because every time I walk it feels like a million little needs going into my foot.
I will be headed to the neurologist in two weeks for my appointment to have my feet and legs looked at because living with this pain every day is awful. Constantly uncomfortable, and every step is just as painful as the last.
Just recently my ex and I broke up. In the most awful way ever, he completely ghosted me. It really hurt, how could you do that to someone you supposedly “love?” Yes we were only together for three months but it felt like more. I fell head over heels in love with him, and for him to pretty much be like screw you, and say absolutely nothing to me killed me. Instantly I thought I’m not good enough for him, and not pretty enough.
Sense the blood clots where in my body, the birth control had to say goodbye. There went the one thing that kept all the hormones in check! I became extremely emotional, and by that I mean you looked at me and instantly started crying. Guess he couldn’t handle it, and instead of talking about it he decided to take the easy way out and leave. What kind of man does something like that, why have I wasted so many tears on him? He is not worth my tears and sorrow. Yet I still can’t get over him, and he has this hold on my life that I can’t get back. Every time these two songs come on instantly want to cry.
I finally started my new job working at Walmart. Yes it is paying the bills and bringing money in, but honestly I’m not very happy there. It is so stressful and the hours suck. I never get to see RaeLynn anymore, and I hate that. I miss my daughter like crazy!
This past week I have had more panic attacks than I have in a long time. No idea why!! Financially I am not stable, more unexpected purchases than what was put into my budget, and now I’m broke. I seriously just got payed yesterday! I spent $200 on my glasses alone, and I did not have that much planned out in my budget! Gas alone costs me $100 or more!
Speaking of budget, you guys need to try envelope budgeting! You plan your budget for that week or month, and put the money you want to spend in each envelope for each category. Grocery’s, gas, food, etc. I have heard really good things about this one and I cant wait to try it! It is supposed to work really well, and helps you save a lot of money! Let me know if you decide to try this and let me know how it works!!
I am trying so hard to save up for an apartment and a new car! I desperately need both, but without a car I cant get the apartment. Cars are so expensive it’s so ridiculous how much they cost! I am finally ready to move out, but you kind of need money to do that. So I am really hoping that this budgeting thing works out for me, because I desperately need it. It’s time to be an adult!
Alright guys there is a life update for you! A lot has happened and I’m sorry I didn’t really go into a lot of detail but I’m trying to move past it all. Usually I am a lot more real and honest with you guys, but honestly I am feeling kind of emotionless tonight, I’m so mentally and emotionally exhausted it just feels like I have nothing left to give right now. I just need time to heal physically and mentally, and that takes time, sometimes a lot of time. I’m hoping at my next life update there is more positivity in it and not all bad stuff. I promise to start writing more on my days off so we can get back in the swing of things!
I love you my beauties<3